Meeting the Canis Lupus Familiaris
by dem bones
Summary: Luna prepares to take Draco to see her parents. Will her preparations be enough?


Title: Meeting the Canis Lupus Familiaris (and the parents)

Author: dem bones

Genres: Humour

Pairing: Draco/Luna

Summary: Luna prepares to take Draco to see her parents. Will her preparations be enough?

A/N: For zeshadesofjustice/Ciara: I decided to write Druna and it was taxing to find a plot bunny that I didn't want to turn into a multi-chap...so here it is.

HP

If anyone had asked him prior to this what had made him want to date Luna, he'd honestly have no response.

It was a bet that had got him this far but honestly he had wanted to quit just a week after only just dating Luna Lovegood.

He would have broke up with her too if he hadn't run into those girls. They were surrounding his girlfriend by the looks of it. From the angry noise it was apparent that she had infuriated them in some way.

"Lovegood, what are you doing?" Draco asked.

"We're simply having a talk about the weather," Luna said calmly.

One of the girls lunged for her causing Luna to stumble.

Draco immediately parted the crowd and pulled the girl away from Luna but not before she had kicked her to the ground. He saw her parted lip cut with blood.

"You idiot."

Luna snorted.

"Didn't hit hard enough in my opinion must have been the snout nosed pixies. They tend to be very defensive with persistent competition."

"What would they be fighting over the Beauty Pagenant?"

"Yes actually."

Draco snorted.

"Why would they defend you if you're just as beautiful."

"Thanks for the compliment," said Luna sporting an obnoxious smile.

'Blast, damn.' Draco thought.

"Hey over here you two."

Luna seemed to realise where they were.

"You might want to dish out their punishment since they asked so politely."

Draco turned and he must have looked very scary because they instantly paled before walking away.

"I think I've changed my mind...for now but we'll be back, Lovegood."

"Yes, and if I discover the bruise you'll be out of this school before you can even comprehend why."

Luna laughed...though Draco noted is was solemn.

"Harry already told me this was all a bet so you don't need to continue dating me if you don't want to. I'd rather not play games if that's alright."

"Potter told you about me!"

"He didn't need to tell me I already knew. I've heard Vincent and Gregory talking about it when you were at Quidditch practise."

"Crabbe and Goyle aren't my spokesmen." Draco sighed. "I've changed my mind anyway. I'd be stupid of me to break up with you now that Potter knows my plan. I would not like to incur his wrath," Draco said. "Besides if this is how you deal with these kind of problems I'd hate to think about your future. You'd probably be safer dating me."

"Well..." Luna said cuddling close to Draco until her shoulder brushed his. "If you want to."

He really should have thought things through before he came to his conclusion. No sooner had they become an official couple when Harry had confronted him a week later in the company of Ron and Hermione.

"Hey Potter, nice to see that we've become good friends. I see you even brought Granger and Weasley...I suppose the more the merrier-"

"Enough talk why are you still dating Luna? Are you hoping to tear her down or are you hoping to use your relationship so you could get closer to me as a part of Voldemort's little plan."

Draco smirked.

"Egotistical, aren't we? Might be from those damned blood suckers. They're known for causing inducing stupidity on anything they bite. I'd be careful I've heard that they are quite active around this time."

Ron looked at him in confusion.

"It's mosquito season, dolt."

"You better not break her heart," Ron snapped.

Draco snorted.

"I think the odds are my favour. I've protected her unlike you and your brainless buffoons."

"Malfoy..." Ron growled.

"You might want to be careful or you might find yourself talking to someone with weirder sensibilities than yourself it might backfire."

Smugly Draco walked away.

Apparently pig latin did come in handy for trying to make people sound stupid but how Luna ever came across that tidbit, Draco never knew.

DMLL

Unfortunately Draco was already regretting agreeing to such a thing in the first place. Not only did he have to endure Luna's eccentric behavior but practically all of his secrets had been exposed the last two weeks they were dating.

All because he had run into Luna after Weasley had hexed his trousers off. Luna praddled on about some siren having a personal vendetta against him.

"The thing is she has a hard time distinguishing humans apart and if you take off the rest of your clothes maybe she won't recognise you."

"When have we established that this siren is a she?"

"Sirens only have one gender."

"Female?"

"No."

"Draco!"

"Male then?"

Suddenly Draco fell to the floor as he was struck behind with what looked like a bolt of lightning.

"Why me?" He moaned.

"Sirens are usually genderless. I was going to say that she likes to refer to herself by female pronouns as well and that she becomes very offended being equivacated with anyone of the male species."

"Now you tell me."

Luna chuckled.

DMLL

It was months after they were dating that Luna had told Draco to meet her in the owlery. Draco stepped inside with his nose clenched. It smelled musty and his shoulders were tense. What if one of the owls pooped on him?

"Up here."

Draco looked up and saw she was sitting on the window sill near where most of the owls were flying around or nestled on their perches.

"How did you get up there?" Draco asked glancing about. Besides a few loose stones near the hay laid out on the bottom there was no way she could have climbed so high.

"I climbed of course. It isn't that hard to do."

Draco glanced at the loose stone once more. He had never been a good climber and he was pondering whether he should embarass himself trying or ask Lovegood why she had wanted to see him.

He eventually decided to try and climb curious if it was even possible she could do it.

Draco placed his feet on the stone. When he was in a stable position he jumped towards one of the beams of wood that looked within arms reach but he couldn't cling to it at all either missing completely or touching the edge of the wood.

"How did you get up there?" Draco muttered in frustration.

"I wouldn't worry about it you'll get the hang of it someday."

"Why'd you call me here?"

"I told my father about you and he wants you to come visit us during the holiday," Luna explained.

Draco sighed.

"Oh lovely."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much. It shouldn't be a problem as long as 2 of my canis lupus familiaris don't recognise you. They are quite possessive you know."

"What the hell is a Canis lupus fam-, familia-what kind of creature is that?!"

"Relax it'll be fine. I always have a backup plan."

"My parents will want to see you too. What'll I tell them then? I'll be food for the vultures."

"You'll have to learn to trust me. When have I ever steered you wrong?"

Draco only scowled as he recalled the humilation of walking around in the nude and being smite down with lighting from a siren. He knew he would go insane when it was all over.

Luna seemed to come to the same conclusion.

"Wait, don't answer that."

It was when the holidays had come around that Draco and Luna had hitched a ride on the Knight Bus and headed towards her house.

Draco saw the house was surrounded by a white wooden fence. It was quite lucky there was no visible means of escape. When Luna opened the gate a hair, Draco could see a pink haired poodle sniffing her hands.

It barked happily.

"Where's your 2 Canis lupus familiaris?"

"Well, there's this one and the other one is probably waiting to maul you to pieces."

Draco snorted.

"You're trying to tell me I'm wearing your clothes for my health? I wore your glasses for most of the trip and I would be surprised if noone recognised me. What about my reputation?"

"I think the skirt suits you very well. I wouldn't even worry about it you look more like a girl than a boy anyway."

Luna opened the gate.

"After you."

Draco took about three steps when he seen a brown menacing boxer run towards him with his tail wagging in excitement. He shivered as it stopped to sniff him happily licking Draco's hand.

He laughed nervously.

"I think he bought it."

"Naw, she's already smelt through your disguise. Ms Scarlett has a really sharp nose. It's good for sniffing out good looking guys."

Draco shuddered.

"I wouldn't worry about it, she likes you. I'd worry more about Godzilla he's a tough cookie."

"Godzilla? Who's that?"

Luna pointed to the poodle who was already sniffing up his leg.

Instinctively Draco flinched.

Suddenly the poodle backed away slowly it's ears curling back and it's clenched mouth open enough to reveal sharp yellow teeth.

"I would say that's a good sign that she doesn't like you very much."

Draco ran quickly occasionally turning back however Godzilla was on his heels.

Eventually Draco spotted a tree and hurriedly tried to climb up the trees struggling hurriedly as the dog got closer. At last he found holding and managed to sit on one of the branches however the dog leapt up snagging on to his skirt.

"Godzilla down," Luna cried out to her dog.

The dog however wouldn't let go but with much struggling the dog had released it's hold on Draco's skirt taking the fabric along with him.

"Damn that dog."

"Luna!"

Luna turned and saw her father was calling out to her.

"Father over here."

Xenophilis quickly ran towards them.

"Luna is this a friend of yours? She-It seems like it's a little inappropriate to bring me here," He said glancing at Draco's upper thigh.

"Don't worry. It's a he so you're fine," Luna said patting her father on the back.

"Mr Malfoy then?"

"As far as I can tell."

Draco gritted his teeth.

"Well what are you standing for are you going to help me or did Luna call you over here for your health."

Xenophilis glanced at him then at the dog at Luna's heels.

"I think the only way you'll be able to get out of here in one piece is if I carry you. Godzilla is quite a persistant one once he sets his eyes on prey."

"You're kidding?"

"Don't worry, Malfoy. I have a back up plan. I think if we cover you in female dog urine then it should cover your scent giving you enough to time to get past him."

"No! I refuse. You're not lifting me and I refuse to sully myself in dog urine. There has to be another way."

Godzilla growled.

"Fine," Draco said.

'She better be worth it.'

DMLL

"I hope you're not upset with me," Luna said as they were walking from her place back to Malfoys.

"Upset, why would I be upset? I wore women's clothing, I had to cover myself in female dog urine and your father told me to go home since I stunk so bad. I can't even take the bus."

"Well, I'm walking you home."

"We aren't even holding hands."

Luna shrugged.

"I hope you've bought plenty of tomato juice."

Draco turned towards her and fumed.

"You're ignoring me."

"I figured I could make it up to you. We could have a soak and it will be fun like cleaning Godzilla after he was sprayed by a skunk."

"Don't even mention that dog. I was deceived."

"Well, at least my father likes you."

Surprisingly for Draco...he felt that was enough.


End file.
